Torn
by ZaKai
Summary: Hughes is torn between his feelings for his wife and his feelings for his lover. :Hughes/Gracia, Hughes/Roy, oneshot, introspective, polyamory:


**Title: **Torn  
**Fandom: **Fullmetal Alchemist  
**Rating: **PG  
**Type: **Oneshot, introspective, polyamory  
**Pairings: **Hughes/Gracia, Hughes/Roy  
**Summary: **Hughes is torn between his feelings for his wife and his feelings for his lover.  
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**Torn**

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It was just another morning for Maes Hughes as his alarm went off, waking him for another workday. He instantly rolled over and shut it off, then turned back and snuggled up close to his wife, who had long ago learned to sleep through his early morning alarm.

Maes tenderly kissed her shoulder, feeling comforted by her warmth and presence. He longed to stay here with her, silently holding and loving her, but there was no avoiding work. With one last nuzzle to her neck, he slipped out of bed and dressed quietly so as not to wake her.

There was the obligatory glance into his daughter's room, then the silent tiptoe to her bed to place a light kiss on her forehead, before moving into the kitchen for breakfast and to put his lunch together.

Maes loved his family, loved them more than he could truly express. There could never possibly be anyone as sweet and innocent as his little Elysia, and no one quite as loving, supportive, and understanding as his Gracia.

With lunch in hand, Maes walked out to the living room to retrieve his coat from where he'd tossed it on the couch the night before, then stopped as the pictures on one of the end tables caught his eye. There were several pictures of Elysia, a wedding photo with himself and Gracia, a family photo... so many pictures of the beautiful family he loved so much.

And then there was the photo of himself and his best friend, Roy Mustang. It had been taken when they were still quite fresh out of the academy and was a favorite of Maes's. He couldn't help but smile at the serious look on Roy's face.

There was a swallow, and then another, as Maes stared at the one photo among those of his family. Perhaps a casual visitor might think it was an odd addition to the end table collection, but it was anything but that.

Over a period of years, Maes had felt his friendship invaded by feelings of something else, of something more. He'd tried to hide it, tried to force those feelings away. After all, he was married, and even if he wasn't, Maes had never had those types of feelings for someone of the same sex—unlike Roy, who had no qualms about the gender of his lovers. Perhaps it wouldn't have been so difficult, perhaps the idea of him and Roy together might not have lingered in his mind, if not for the fact that Roy had given him such a wide variety of mixed signals that Maes had thought he would go crazy.

Finally, the guilt over his feelings pushed him to talk with Gracia. She had listened and mulled over the subject. They'd talked for hours over several weeks, even months, leading to the final result of Gracia allowing him to pursue his feelings for Roy—and Roy alone—so long as she was kept informed and as long as she and Elysia remained the most important people to him.

The fact that she'd been willing to share his affections had made him dizzy with relief, and filled with an overwhelming feeling of affection for her, though it had left him unsure and nervous about what to do about his new found freedom. Would Roy reciprocate the way Maes wanted? Part of him thought yes, and part of him wasn't quite that optimistic. But, when an opportunity presented itself, Maes made his move and found his affections greeted with eagerness.

Unfortunately, Maes found that his relationship with Roy was bittersweet. The time they had together was intense and invigorating, it made him feel excited and alive, but those times were not as frequent as he would have liked. Maes lived in Central, Roy in East city. Sometimes months went by before they had a chance to be together. His arms would ache to have Roy in them, only to find that same twinge of longing for Gracia when he was gone from her for too long.

He was like a man torn and never whole. Maes loved and wanted them both, _needed_ them both. The strength of his feelings had blindsided him and taken him by surprise, and now he couldn't get himself to pull away from something he wasn't sure he wanted to escape. And yet, he knew it would end.

Eventually it would have to end.

There was no commitment from Roy, nothing to say that he would be Maes's forever. If he found someone else, someone permanent, then the intimacy between them would end. And, of course, that was how it should be... It wouldn't be fair for Maes to ask that of Roy when he, himself, had Gracia by his side when Roy wasn't there; and how could Roy ask someone else to share what shouldn't be shared? Maes had been lucky to have a woman like Gracia, but she was a rare find. Most would not take so kindly to the idea of sharing their man with another.

For now though, Maes continued on. Perhaps it would be better for him to let go of this now, to return their friendship to what it was, but he couldn't. What had started out as attraction and strong feelings of attachment had bloomed into an intense feeling of love and perhaps a slight feeling of obsession.

With a heavy sigh, Maes picked the coat up off the couch and pulled it on, trying not to think of this situation that might be best described as a mix of wonderful and cruel, unusual punishment. It didn't work though, and as he buttoned up his coat, Maes wondered if Roy was already at work. Maes went in early, but East City was an hour ahead of Central. Roy could already be in...

He glanced at the phone, tempted to call, then shook his head at himself, knowing that they'd already talked for a long time the night before. Maes didn't want to come off too strong, didn't want to seem like a needy, teenage girl with her first boyfriend. And, yet, if he was honest with himself—which he usually was—that was exactly how he felt. It was exciting to be with Roy. It was new, and fresh, and different...

He loved his wife, enjoyed being with her, felt happy and comfortable with his relationship with her. It was something stable and solid in his life, and he couldn't imagine himself without it. But Roy... being with Roy was exciting and firey hot. Their intimacy was kinky and creative while still being more than just a fling. They shared interests that Gracia had no desire to share. Now that he had both, Maes wasn't sure he could live without either. He needed Gracia, needed Roy. They completed him...

And they tore him apart.

Sighing, Maes turned off the light and headed out the door—thinking of Roy, thinking of Gracia. Wanting nothing more than to return to his bed, put his arms around his wife, and feel her in his arms. Nothing more... except perhaps to do the same thing with Roy.


End file.
